turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
