You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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