I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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