I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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