I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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