Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
