I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
pray to the hookup gods
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize