who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
