Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
