Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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