i was rollin on her like bob the builder
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
