And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
