look no pants
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
im holly from the hills drunk
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
