Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
