speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
