I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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