the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Holy sore nipples Batman
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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