My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
