I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
