Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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