Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
