More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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