it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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