Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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