i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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