Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
