I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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