It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
