How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
