just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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