The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
