I can text with my tongue
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
