mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
