Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
