Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My penis needs a shock collar
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
