I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
