Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
