I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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