Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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