I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
