her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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