Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
