what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
