I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
