So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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