If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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