Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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