First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize