Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
