Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
