I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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