I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
