I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
