I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
