the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
