And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
