She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
