I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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