It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Sorry about my life...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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