sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
