No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
