can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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