Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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