The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
