Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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