Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
