I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
