I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
